Power Cap

Power cap- existential handicapping

04 March 2008

more things the horseplayer likes

10. Stewards DQ's- they may tell you different but the truth is the horseplayer loves stewards decisions. This is another win-win opportunity for the horseplayer. He can win if his horse is moved up via DQ, which allows him to proclaim the universally known truth that he is indeed a handicapping genius, even if he was assisted by the stewards.

The second situation is if he is DQ'ed by the stewards, in this situation he is still a genius however the stewards are completely inept and blind to boot. When DQ'ed out of a win by the stewards it is the stewards that are always wrong. Not only are they wrong but a gross injustice was committed, and now it has been proven that they are *&*&ing corrupt. The beauty of being Dqed by the stewards situation is depth of the complaining, it is a total release of all complaining energy, sort of like a angst enema. Nothing makes a horseplayer complain like a Stewards DQ. The horseplayer knows he is a genius and it was confirmed by his very eyes when the horse he wagered on crossed the wire first for everyone to see. How dare the stewards deny this confirmed brilliance there was visual proof. The horseplayer will reason that even if their horses jockey whipped another jockey in the face, or knocked another horse over due to reckless riding it did not effect the result.

9. Shut out of bet- This is a situation that is a win-win for the horseplayer. Sometimes lines are long at parimutuel windows and an intended bet does not make to the wagering pools before the gates are opened. Most of the time this a very beneficial situation for the horseplayer as a last minute rushed losing bet never makes it out of the horseplayers mental queue. Saving the horseplayer bankroll. The other winning situation is when the shut out bet wins. How could a winning bet that is not placed be a winner for the horseplayer? A shut out winning bet is a great chance to complain and other than cashing a 6 digit pick-6 nothing makes a horseplayer happier than the release of complaining. In this situation the horseplayer can bash the track, bash the other players for clogging up lines, bash the parimutuel clerks, bash the slow internet or bash the slow ADW service. In the shut out winning bet scenario, the horseplayer is all right and everyone is so wrong confirming his superiority over the rest of the world.

8 Odds go down while race is run- Horseplayers find salvation when a horse has its odds go down during the running of a race. Sometimes a horse will break from the gate at 2-1 get the lead and at the top of the lane the odds will drop to 9-5 or even 3-2. In the horseplayers eyes this is proof that the track is &(&^ing corrupt and it is vindication for a lifetime of losing. Odds going down mid-race proves that the horseplayer is good and the tracks are corrupt.

7 New idea is a failure- Horseplayers love when new ideas are a failure. This is why the game does not change with the times as the horseplayers love everything to remain suspended in time. Any new bets automatically will be bashed by horseplayers and ignored. New ideas are not considered and all are stupid. When those new wagering pools are removed from the wagering menu due to lack of action, the horseplayers will tell you how stupid track management is and how if they listened to their players they never would have created such a stupid new bet. The recent Breeders Cup filly Friday announcement cultivated the loudest moaning and groaning on US soil since Monica Seles retired from tennis. When filly Friday at the Breeders Cup fails the horseplayers will be happy campers, any of them will tell you how much of a stupid new idea it is.

6. Free Analysis on TV- Horseplayers love free analysis on TV. They use this information in their wagering and if it wins, this confirms that the horseplayer is indeed a mega handicapper and a massive genius. However if the information provided by the TV presenter leads to a losing wager, this triggers a pleasurable bash session where the TV presenter is conformed to be a dolt and a &*#$ing idiot. Yet another win-win situation where the horseplayer wins confirming his genius and if he loses he is still a genius however responsibility for the loss is assigned to that &^%*ing 58 flat idiot Matt Carothers.

1 comment:

Patrick J Patten said...

#7 is spot on, horseplayers may not all be 80 years old, but they act like it.